In my day, we didn’t need some fancy MeToo movement to turn us into self-conscious, self-doubting recluses who’ve lost the ability to interact romantically with women. We went out and put in the work, wildly overreacting to even the slightest rejection of our socially awkward and creepy attempts at pitching woo. I…

Well this movement wasn’t happening when I was growing up, and it didn’t stop me from becoming a depressed, self-conscious, no-confidence, lonely recluse!

Hey everybody, remember when MTV showed music videos, as opposed to being America’s go-to source of peer-reviewed, scientific studies?

Dammit, my fridge already tells me to eat more because I look too thin, my dresser wonders how I expect to find a job looking like a haggard old rummy, and my dog commands me to kill total strangers. I don’t need the additional aggravation.

It’s such a reach, and just feels insultingly trivial a thing to try and gin up some outrage over.

The main problem with this mirror is how dangerous it is. I looked in one with a friend. His reflection showed up. Mine didn’t. Naturally, I concluded that I was a vampire who had to feed on human blood to survive. Which I then did. Thanks for killing my friend, you dumb mirror!

Mere fact that you calling it “Porg pop” tell me you not ready.

I am a huge Charles Bradley fan. This was a real kick in the pants.

Tom Jones, of course, being unavailable due to a previous billionaire-orchestrated kidnapping.

Stupid movies need the most attention!

It doesn’t take that long to set this up. I’m a Congressman now and I was able to make time to do this so my Star Trek fanfiction would still exist here. Calc-u-later!

In her defense, Jeff Gillooly is clearly a made up name.

WHYYY did you make that joke?

Hopefully she hasn’t kneecapped her Oscar chances by admitting this.

For me personally what keeps me from going to the theaters the most is the AV Club reviews. So good job AVC, hope your proud of yourselves.

Dear Rotten Tomatoes,

The AV Club has kept me out of theaters. I see these reviews on here of all these great movies and then they never play at any theaters near me. And it just gets harder to go see some studio movie instead.

Hollywoo Studios and Producers: Who Do They Blame? Do They Blame Things on People?? Let’s Find Out!

I 27% agree.

Animal Crossing does something a little like that. The beginning of each game is in first-person perspective and a person on the bus/taxi/train next to you asks why you’re moving to town. Your answers determine your character’s appearance, but you don’t actually see yourself until you get off the bus/taxi/train a…