"I would never belong to a club that would have me as a member."

Yeah, probably.

Hey, don't forget that after he was elected he was like "Nah, nobody's getting prosecuted, it's cool."

This is the correct answer.

Yeah, the weirdest thing about last year was watching the constantly-shifting "good-Comey/bad-Comey" dynamic which depended entirely on whose ox was being gored.

Luckily capitalism is still going strong. Well, it's off to sell my blood plasma so I can afford bus fare to my third part-time job as a living crash test subject.

Brian Ferry got there first.

They're economically depressed and dependent on income from growing grey market cannabis?

0 Kucinich.

They did that? Certain accounts you just don't tweet at because they're operating on like fifteen different layers of irony, and that's one of them.

Because we're scared of these few thousand people moving even more of their fathomless wealth offshore, we're afraid tens of millions of you can no longer see a doctor for preventative care.

There is no doubt of that.

He probably struggles against distraction every time he passes by a reflective surface.

I love how it's pretty clear that the photographer wanted to make him look silly in those pictures and he's such a knob that he just went along with.

What? The fire kills the floor germs and everything works out fine.

He's become self-aware and the viral spell is broken.

Johnny Depp's looking like the bad guy from a Call of Duty game these days.

I'll disparage the philanthropic rich, but not because of their philanthropy.

Well, Obama won Wisconsin and Michigan both times he ran, so I'd say yes, she did have a reasonably good chance of changing the tide in those states if she just showed up. People who were working on the ground with the Clinton campaign say the same thing and were begging her to campaign there when they started seeing…

I like the diarrhea one.