Um, as a Midwesterner I am clucking over your sweeping generalization of what "we" disapprove of. As a person who CLEARLY is an expert on all things German, I'm sure you're familiar with the fact that Wisconsin and Minnesota are VERY motherfucking German and not once have I been privy to any public outrage about how…

Well, apparently naming your chi "Chicken" also does not stave off the death. (RIP Cheecharoo) I'm hoping Mistake, Age 3, Little Satan and Mr. Lahey will fare much better in the mortality department. Perhaps referring to my parent's slutty dog Jasmine as Jezebel will earn me some Kinja out of the gray points.

Damn, could someone please proofread this shit? I understand that we all want to express opinions ASAP, but either publish a proper transcript or publish excerpts that are punctuated correctly. This was poorly written to the point of being a complete distraction from the point, I hope those clicks were worth…

Ha, now this is comedy gold...kind of like what jia wanted to do if she was a better writer.

Your attempt to Columbus white people problems for clicks is played out and unfunny. As a number of commenters have demonstrated, there's a funny way to lolwhiteppl and there's what you did. Unoriginal and needlessly combative...just stop already.

Logan! Logan! Logan! I can't quit him. But I think we all can agree that Dean has a dumb penis and she should have never surrendered her womanly flower to him. Yuck.

I'll have the chocolate choochooo.

Um, how about not using your work technology to fuck about on Jez?

Is it Columbassing if I steal that phrase?

You should be embarrassed. This article was ridiculous and your response to legitimate criticism is highly unprofessional and immature. And I've been trying to think up a witty way to call YOU a vagina pebble since I finished your piece.

Sweetie, you come off like a sanctimonious asshole. I wasn't giving you wrath nor did you piss me off. I think it's cute that you can arbitrarily judge that there's a magic number of pizza slices per day that designates a person as a glutton. Keep on keeping' on.

Nice that you were more focused on fucking gift cards on your special day than, y'know, your fucking marriage. I wonder why anyone would want to bow out of anything to do with your psycho ass drama. You're "LIVID" over $100? I could see being "hurt" because someone you cared about wasn't there, but you literally…

Nope. That is not "technical" etiquette. Unless you want to go toe to toe with Miss Manners—"a wedding invite is not an invoice." It may be the norm in your social circles just like having dollar dances at weddings is the norm in other cultures, but neither are demonstrative of proper etiquette.

Has it ever occurred to you that perhaps these terrible, awful, selfish people who failed to properly shower you with gifts and mandatory attendance to your event might have had some other shit going on in their lives that wouldn't have been appropriate to communicate on the RSVP card under the chicken vs. fish…

So, do you keep a spreadsheet to track petty shit like that? No wonder people came up with "lame" excuses not to attend your fab wedding and lavish you with gifts equivelent to what you've been giving them all these years out of the goodness of your heart...your poor, sweet, resentful heart that still feels the…

Whoa! I had your back regarding the 6 figure wedding attack, but it's absolutely against proper etiquette to presume that invite = gift or attendance = gift. When one hosts a party, it is FOR the guests. Yes, I've sent gifts to couples when I couldn't attend the wedding, but by no means is an invitation equivalent…

I hate you and I'm broke as a joke and spent about $1K on my "wedding". My parents bought me new windows for my condo in lieu of a fab bash and my IL's bought us a washing machine and I still think that Minka's wedding sounds lovely. Think of all the people who made money from that event. If wealthy people stopped…

Honey, and I mean Honey in the most condescending of ways, I'm glad you're doing your part to avoid that Deadly Sin of Gluttony, but I think you need to work on your Envy a bit. Just because five pieces of pizza makes you pork out doesn't mean that there aren't people out there who can indulge in the act of eating…

Wow. Do you really think that eating fucking food is something women should feel compelled to CONFESS to? Oh, teehee, I starved myself for months to be perfect and then ate some toast and teehee, isn't that WILD? Nope. Not wild. Not entertaining. Not healthy. Please tell me this is a joke and you copy/pasted this…

Agreed on all points. Aside from all that, there was nothing funny, entertaining or engaging about any of these "dieting brides gone wild" stories. It was like reading several boring Facebook posts about shit that literally no one gives a shit about.