I knew a kid named Tommy who broke his wrist once. We were all playing in his treehouse, throwing rocks at the other kids in the neighborhood when all of a sudden Tommy fell out of the tree house and landed right on his arm! Those were the good old days—before iPhones and computers. And another thing, whatever…

Nope.

I bet you have sex with your chair lifts, you perv! #NeverAgain

No news on UEFA either. What a weird news day!

If you can’t see that this is a response to the overzealous, east coast, Hollywood elite, inclusion outcrying, white-privilege promoting, Black Lives Matter condoning, same-sex marriage voting, second amendment denouncing, national anthem kneeling, safe-space demanding, trigger warning supporting, #MeToo PC Police,…

SCIENCE! One day I’m supposed to believe something, the next day, I can’t believe NOTHIN’!

Here are some other things that are “low and slow”

Maybe in the oil rich nation you grew up in!

Jon Lester is going to be the first Hall of Famer who couldn’t throw a live baseball.

I think you misunderstood my comment, which went a little something like this; “I’m a stupid baby.”

It has to do with job growth and responsibility and in the immoral words of dead President John Kennedy, “ask not what your job can do for you, ask what you can do for your company! my dick is sore from fucking so many hot chicks!” What a guy!

As the expression says, “if the shoe fits in the toilet, plunge it.”

They give away a Heisman almost every year, so who cares what Lamar Jackson’s credentials are? If he’s a team player, he’ll do whatever it takes to succeed which is why I plunge every toilet in my office building every day so that the execs will see me and say, “that accountant brings more to this company than any…

Rob Gronkowski has been in the NFL since 2010—he is now 4 generations removed from the porn stars of his rookie season. You have to consider how difficult this is on him both mentally and physically.

My kids Juul because it’s the only kosher way to vape.

Can you measure the love in your heart for me before we make out, Shepherd? That’s the Kinja deal I’m waiting for: your love.

Can you measure the love in your heart for me before we make out, Shepherd? That’s the Kinja deal I’m waiting for:…

This is just like the Duke Lacrosse scandal all over again, except the fame-grubbing district attorney is ALL OF YOU and the fame-grubbing sex worker is also ALL OF YOU and outrage culture is the courtroom and the Power Point Presentation of student athlete sex skills and dong size is the evidence and you know who the…

Sounds like Wendy’s has some fresh, never frozen, beef with ESPN.

Most people are terrible and grating. This show is a realistic comedy with characters that feel true to life to me—much more so than most comedies.

This is the best show on Netflix.