You know what they say about assuming—it makes a butt out of “u” and “me.”

I don’t know who that Christie is, but she sounds like a real dreamboat. Is she single?

I’m gonna go ahead and assume you’re not his doctor, sailboatprojector, or this would definitely be considered a HIPAA violation.

Not anymore, pal. It says up above that it got lacerated. On the bright side, it was only his kidney and not his permanent knee.

Unbelievable that the #1 WR from both teams is out for the season with a leg injury. What are the odds?

Back in the day, soccer fights followed the Marcus Dee Queensbury rules and nobody ever died. Progress? HA.

His nights as a dishwasher at the Opry Mills TGI Friday’s really cut into his coaching time. You can’t blame the team for their decision.

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“While I was working there I was the only white employee, the rest were Hispanic, though most spoke English (this is an important detail).”

They paint the ground in tennis.

No matter how badbutt a play is, head coaches must keep their religion OFF THE FIELD, Dana 666 Hellion Pentagram Holgorsen. I’m waiting for my apology.

I didn’t have time to read the article but it is shameful that professional athletes are more focused on partying and women in provocative clothing and loud music that thumps so hard it makes your heart skip beats and alcoholic beverages served by the bottle and velvet ropes to keep out the unattractive or unwealthy…

“But has he ever smashed a shot clock in a blackout rage?” - Mark Trestman

This never would have happened if Glen Rice Jr. had used a Saddleback Leather Passport Wallet with RFID shield, your favorite passport holder, available right now at the lowest price ever. With two card slots and a large bill compartment, you’ll have room for all $5,953 cash. Grab it while you can.

Peep this you yahoos and me-firsters. This is a NFL hero. Family. Maybe you’ve heard of it? In today’s National Football League, all the players want to talk about is how many Camaros they own and winning at Sega with their friends. Well I’ll tell you something, Daniel Fells is the kind of man this once great nation…

Unrelatable that’s rich maybe take a step onto my gridiron before you run that accusation my way kemosabe what subject do you teach obviously not reading comprehension because if you read what I wrote up above you’d see that the real assholes are the people who kiss their biceps and go to the government for a handout…

He’s scrawny and annoying and his me-first attitude won’t win him any friends. But I still can’t believe IK Enemkpali gave him two black eyes.

If this were 1975, that’d be one thing, but how does this continue to happen in 2015? It’s ridiculous! There’s STILL a professional basketball team in Wisconsin?

It’s called supporting journalists you care about. MAYBE TRY IT SOME TIME.

I can’t blame Grantland’s staff for struggling with the change. Have you ever sat on a warm toilet seat in a public bathroom? It’s horrifying. I’m not grossed out by other people’s germs or anything, but sweet jesus, some things are unsettling. Like when you’re eating a bowl of popcorn and you see a spider crawl out…