No surprise here. Schweinsteiger spent the entire match going down.

"FIFA Corruption" Twitter account is fake.

God, such a silly silly comment. No way that's Dwyane Wade.

No kidding, I would love to see the US place 3rd in a World Cup. Seems to me the only teams that hate the idea of a third place match are the titans of the game, and who cares what they like? They win enough already. Let the little guys slug it out for third, even if occasionally it means a "real" team has to lower…

I think most of us would be pretty jazzed about seeing the USMNT in the third place match.

Precisely. As a US fan I would love to see my team play once more if they lost in the semifinals - and don't tell me US Soccer wouldn't also love a consolation game to keep up interest a bit longer.

Jeez, coverup on aisle 2.

Using the left lane for passing only?

Or this:

I'm talking about your questions. I'm sure they'll improve.

The semi-final solution

Well, I do feel like a large idiot right now.

In my defense, I was working under the assumption that most commenters on the internet are just the worst.

Why is this news? We've been watching Jeter pretend to play shortstop for decades now.

In FIFA's defense, nobody has yet offered them a really big bribe to crack down on racism.

Racist chants? That's a paddlin'.

"Mount Douchemore" was sitting RIGHT there for you!

If you were interested in being fair, you'd have included the clarification Kelly gave when they came back from commercial—that he was simply impressed by her breasts, and that he planned to masturbate once the segment was over. A perfectly innocent explanation.

Onazi: OHNOOHNOOHNO

I am off to start a Kickstarter campaign.