This family is disproving the theory that anything in America is meritocratic one tweet at a time.

I wouldn’t do that, because they may have taken away your healthcare by then.

Unless you play for the Cubs, then it’s probably a toss-up.

Given her family history, I assume that once this effort fails she will be promoted.

Trump’s whole presidency, basically:

Truth is a defense to libel.

Is it too early to call Papa Kean the Lavar Ball of the Ivory Coast?

It causes visceral pain to see the presidential seal on his chest.

Dan Snyder just shit his dick.

I read this: “Netflix is dropping some original comedy specials throughout July, starting July 4 with the first season of The Standups, a series of six half-hour specials” as Netflix getting rid of The Standups and now I feel old as fuck.

HOW DARE HE HAVE FUN GETTING PAID MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO PLAY A CHILD’S GAME???

It feels like Shane Doan has been playing in the NHL longer than I’ve been alive... and Jagr is still FIVE years older than him.

I also enjoy ending declarative statements in question marks?

Huh... wasn’t expecting English.

Saw 9: You can negotiate your way out of this if you wish. 

Same... and I’m a Phillies fan who has watched games this season.

Add him to the list:

In fairness, 5 years was like 1/5 of your life when the constitution was written.

But I do hate these trials that pit an evolving societal ethic against a flawed human being, one person, albeit a person greatly privileged, to make a point that “we’re better, because now we get it.”