Of course. He’s Michael’s type.

We went to Green-Wood Cemetary in New York for a Halloween tour and the guide talked about how, after it opened in the 19th century as one of the first “Garden Cemetaries,” it was the second-most popular vacation destination after Niagara Falls.

That Partridge? Was Danny Bonaduce.

Obligatory...

It’s not unprecedented. There’s one pizza that is pro-Central Powers:

This is silly. Everyone knows who actually paid Oswald to do the shooting...

you’re going to die alone

Oh come on, nobody believes you’ve got friends.

Kudos for Ubekibekibekistan.

Nope.

Because not everyone is such a twat.

It would be even better if they kept arguing to the music...

I bet you’re fun at parties.

It’s rare that I find myself disagreeing with a Magary dad-take, but I bought a big jug of No-Ad after reading this, and I have to say it’s the best. It rubs in super easy, and I’ve gotten way less burnt since I’ve been using it. Couldn’t agree more about the rash guards though.

There’s only one piece of advice that people should offer at commencement addresses: Everybody is an idiot.