There will always be those who carry the fire.

Handle checks out.

Catholic school, 7th grade. Guy who was in my friend group but who was not even a little bit my friend (middle school, man) wouldn’t stop dogging me, so one afternoon in the recess line I got the Kill Bill sirens and popped him with a solid right. He got all wide-eyed and slap-fought at me before we were separated.…

Toby Dawson!

Toby Dawson’s mom was there on the sidelines during the 2006 moguls holding up a sign that read, “GOOD LUCK, TOBY DAWSON!”

I dropped 17 fundraiser bucks for 30-ish little nubs of frozen dough that were boxed up, not tubbed up. Out they would come from the freezer six at a time, directly into the oven they would go, and I would be cramming them into my cram hole fifteen brisk minutes later. The box seems to be the answer, here.

Gotta have the callers. Gotta. Full disclosure: I love C-SPAN.

I would be delighted if “cutaways to quietly-chuckling-popsicle-stick-Giri-head” became a thing.

I’ll catch some heat for this, but the order is absolutely delivered (or whatever) pizza > frozen pizza > homemade pizza.

Totinos is butt (I’m a Red Baron man), but I’d eat a gross of Party Pizzas before trying my luck with a homemade pie. Who needs homemade pizza? It’s like homemade ketchup: The hell are you trying to…

All this < Fox logo shooting out of ump’s butt

Look, it’s tough to pass up the hard sell.

I went out back and snipped a few needles off the ol pine tree and chopped them up and put them in a little tea strainer and made some pine needle tea. It’s got a nice subtle woody flavor on its own, but drop in a few drops of lemon juice and - oh my god - add a few crushed mint leaves to the strainer along with the…

Susan Bahorich is essentially the Internet.

Ever accidentally bukkake sunscreen all over your car and then leave it in the sun for a few hours for reasons you can’t remember, and then later when you’re at Auto Zone buying a tankard of Meguiar’s fine-cut cleaner and swirl removal the guy behind the counter eyeballs you like “Why the hell didn’t you just wipe it…

Best cans in baseball.