I should maybe just watch that movie.

Good god even better.

That's great. I've never seen him lose it like that. The first bite of the banana was pretty classic.

Turning 30 tomorrow. Unemployed. Just lost the love of my life. Very close family friend in the hospital. Other very terrible shit going on I don't even want to get in to. In short, completely fucking miserable. Someone say or do something that will make me laugh. No fucking sympathy.

Pictured: Rocky Mariachiano

In a throwback, a new John Adams work has already been commissioned. Minimalism will be taken to new heights when describing both the epically layered operatic masterpiece as well as where both men's careers have gone since this crucial moment.

Given the traditional nature of hazing, he should count himself lucky the game wasn't for him to sheepishly slurp down a wiener in public and then let him deal with the mocking after effects of the general public.

I would hope that if anyone is ever put in the situation to have to actually choose whether or not to fuck an alien they would have done some preliminary essential reading on the subject. Like this post, a few Octavia Butler novels, and Arizona Senate Bill 1070.

They call that move the Raped Samaritan.

Leaving the Wizards is actually how Ian McKellan usually rounds out a story about getting a hummer from a 19 year old.

Unbeknownst to most people who don't understand the intricacies of the different martial arts styles used in MMA, this is actually a highly specialized move in the Drunken Master style known as "crapping out the bruise."

THE LIFEBOATS ARE DEATHTRAPS!

+1 Man that's good

Cobbabilia (n.) - (Psychiatry) Unusual interest in the solid waste kernels of Orville Clarence Redenbacher, most typically for sexual excitement.

When were we purchased?

I still can't believe McNamara invented the seatbelt.

I can't think of anything worse than carving "DP" into a tree and thinking that's clever. If they really wanted to be sexually suggestive and hilarious they should have snorted cheap coke off it and spanked each other while calling the tree "Papi".

Thank you.

I hate it when some version of a traveled jerkoff says, "it's just tapas, right?" No. Thousands of miles, infinitely countless cultural differences, and the blind ignorance seeping out of your gaping anusmouth are the difference. The Japanese izakaya stands alone. Very high up, possibly the top of the perch.

I was freelance writing for a good deal of the time I worked in sales, but only ended up being able to take it so far given the time constraints and the inevitable "hey wanna get a coffee/drink/trip to the questionable strip club at a hugely inopportune time?" with people who could have maybe advanced my creative…