Yeah, the ability to use Google is supes cray-cray.

Why do you insist on using shitty similes?

It doesn't pay as well as well as your mom's job, but at least there aren't any horses involved. 

Cool story, brah.

Sure, sure, Taylor.

Bryan, do you need medical attention? Blink twice if you want me to call a doctor.

It was a "mutual" thing. Gotcha.

I guess it beats getting canned from your gig writing listicles for Bustle. 

You were never going to go to the gym.

What the fuck is wrong with you, you sick fuck?

Except he didn't. 

You could have just told them "no".

I love how you can't navigate the social setting at your own job but you're able to speak authoritatively on every aspect of a country 3,000 miles away. 

“distain”

Sweden should have capital punishment for that all caps tweet.

Weird flex, Finkel.

It really isn’t as cute as you seem to think when you’re watching a car video with your kid and some edgelord drops an f-bomb. Now I remember why I stopped watching Jalopnik videos. Thanks for nothing. 

Yes.

Yes.

You seem pretty fascinated with others' penis size.