I typically hate paparazzi people, but I will pretty much always root for the person who isn’t Chris Brown.

John Steinbeck:

It was a very windy day, so we ended up lobbing my Nana off a cliff cannister and all.

Perhaps Kirstie was shopping in TJ’s when her amazing Scientology powers suddenly alerted her to the fact that her dog was getting sick in the car. You know, sort of a “disturbance in the Force” kind of thing.

There was a cokehead who’s name I know and Bingo was his Name-O

Hey - Ed Rendell - I’m far from ugly, I work as a model and actress and I fit into today’s standards of what could be considered beautiful. I take the shite Trump says, not personally, but for what they are; sexist garbage. I would never, in a million years vote for Trump, look twice at Trump, talk to Trump or even…

So you have 100 washcloths in your house, but don't know where you could possibly store 3 loofahs?

So mayo is disgusting, but rotten milk packaged as “sour cream” is just fine by your standards? I have no idea how you had the culinary acumen to win Chopped.

Yeah, and you bet on them. I’ll cheer louder for mites on ice with five bucks on the line than I will for an NHL game.

We do. And she and my 10 year old are pen pals. Sr. Jean was a teacher back in the day, so she sends my kiddo math problems for her to solve. It’s very cute.

I’ve mentioned her before, but one of my wife’s 3 living relatives is a retired nun. She lives in an assisted living facility in New Jersey now, and she is absolutely LIVID about all this birth control nonsense. Like, she acknowledges that it’s a component of the Catholic faith, but cannot figure out “What gives a…

I thought they were waiting for Count Blackula to leave the White House so they could nominate someone who would outlaw women forever.

Yes, AND consumers also need to be willing to pay more for goods if they want people to earn a fair wage. You can’t complain about these companies’ practices and then go buy an Old Navy shirt for $3.

Why is this good though? Don’t we spend years telling our kids this isn’t how things are done? Then they see this from the guys making millions playing a kid’s game, and nothing happens.

Libertarian is the political stance of the extremely selfish, and I say that while considering myself one. Have as many gay abortions as you want, and Jesus can go fuck himself, but god forbid you try to lay one finger on my money to give it to the dirty poors.

5. White bread/rolls/biscuits

Pickles are not a side, and I fully support starting another civil war over the matter.

White bread at 5, are you fucking kidding or did Marchman get to the rankings while you slept

No no no, he’s just the living embodiment of hate.

!!! I was all over that article collecting suggestions for my 2016 Morbid Beach Read list. So I guess that confirms it?