He was concussed. No question. Wasn’t intentional. I know hockey. Believe me. I know. I watch the best hockey.

4 cops with guns on me. Helicopter over my head. They won’t notice if I sliiddddeee to the right and help myself to this police car.

I wonder if she went up, left, down, right, up, left, down, right R1, R1, and got her grenade launcher back.

I dunno, Streeterville includes Northwestern U medical and law schools plus hospitals, several very nice hotels, much of the Magnificent Mile shopping district, and the Historic Tribune Tower. Not too shabby.

They should just build down like the did in Mexico City

Highlight of my youth baseball career: playing left field when the other team’s big hitter absolutely crushed one down the line a hundred feet over my head. The left field fence was 380 feet to the pole and didn’t even belong to the baseball field, it belonged to the next field over. Ball bounced twice and somehow…

This, sadly, does not surprise me. Take cows. Now most people imagine that a cow is only dangerous when its panicked or really, really annoyed. Its not. They will plot. They will take action. Cows will kill anything. Eat anything. Do not fuck with cows.

Pant O’Mime was going to attend White Sox camp to appear at White Sox camp today, but Kenny Williams barred his son, Sweetchild O’Mime from the facilities. The younger O’Mime, with a tear in his eye, looked to his father and mouthed the words “Where do we go now?”

The Joe Maddon Cubs are the closest we’ll ever get to the “Major League” Indians and I love it so much.

Sexually propositioning a woman and her mom at a stoplight?

...when a wayward Lionel Messi shot flew over the goal and came hurdling her direction...

Her name is the most real thing I've seen all day. That is exactly the name of a person who wouldn't get a joke.

Naw, this is the most White Sox thing ever. TINLEY PARK IN THE HOUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSE. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/09/whi…

If I could just go back in time to when I was 12 and taken to my fist MLB game at Comiskey Park and punch my parents in the genitals, I would. This fucking team. Do you know how fucked it is that Reinsdorf and Williams appear to be on the better side of right here? When the hell has that ever happened?

I’ll pledge a dollar if Loretta walks into oncoming traffic on Michigan Ave.

No, “neat” would be without ice.

The only thing dumber than some of us is all of us, together.