That one’s easy: Living under the twin suns of Tatooine. Look how much Owen and Beru aged during those same years.

Nah. That number is far too low.

I’ll take either one over wherever you live.

It doesn’t help that the rules for calling 911 vary so much from city to city, so you can’t develop a rule of thumb for everyone to use. My hometown says to call 911 for anything requiring city services. The city I live in now has TV and radio commercials reminding everyone that they shouldn’t even think the numbers…

Nah, you’re overthinking it. It’s just a neverending quest for power. Power requires publicity and publicity requires media attention and nobody grabs more media attention than Donald Trump.

The last two suits (2010) and three sport coats (2013) I bought at Men’s Wearhouse, I had to pay for alterations and they did a terrible job. Their solution to one of the jackets being too big around the middle was to move the buttons over half an inch and tell me to keep it buttoned.

No, it doesn’t. At all.

Beat me to it.

No.

Exactly. I had the most undercover diaper bag of all time when my son was a baby. Looked exactly like a black messenger bag. You know what gave it away? The fact that I was also carrying a freakin’ baby. People are stupid, but they’re not that stupid. Nobody ever said, “Hey, that’s a cute baby! Does that sweet…

That’s my nieghborhood, too. Every problem is solved with a gun. We’ve never had a single post on Nextdoor about “suspicious activity” without at least suburban badass saying something like, “If they try to break in here, it’ll be their last mistake. I won’t hesitate to defend my family!” Same shit when we had a rash…

She really did. I’m ashamed to admit that when I was in my early 20s, I watched the show regularly because I thought she was really cute. Her storyline was so stupid that I eventually quit watching despite the sad celebrity crush.

I really want to watch it just to laugh at his disappointment when Kirk demotes him to first officer. But then I remember that he’d already molested the first child by the time it was filmed.

Same. I was so confused by the references to 2003 and offensive humor at first.

Is there a bigger oxymoron than a racist republican using derogatory words in an attempt to classify you as a racist?

I just turned 40 and tried making an Office Space joke to a bunch of teenagers the other day. Then I realized that was the exact moment I became too old to ever be cool again.

Verizon doesn’t disable it now, so I don’t know why they’d start. It works great on my Galaxy S5.

Could be even worse. I’m a Titans and Cowboys fan.

That’s not just a COTD-worthy pun, it’s the real life experience of Chevette owners! My mom bought an ‘82 diesel Chevette when I was 5 that we had until I was almost 20. Right after she and my stepdad were married, the starter went out for the first of many, many times. They spent the whole week of their honeymoon…