I’ve never heard my son laugh as hard as he did when I farted on him.  I was worried he was going to choke.

Every time you climax you hear the wilhelm scream. 

Then she never gets put in a corner.

This might finally be the year I stop watching football. While I hate all the bullshit around it and have cut back quite a bit in the last few years, I have a 3.5yo and a 2.5yo and they’re already starting on the “I want to play football!” train. 

“What’s a little boy like you doing with big boy smut like this?”

+1

Every time man. I love it.

FRENCH fries. FRENCH dressing. FRENCH bread.

“Imagine the street value of all this SNOW!”

I just google translated the radio comms: “Go that way, really fast.  If something gets in your way, turn.”

+$2

Really sorry your mom’s face blew up.

Oh, sorry, thought you said K12.

And see?

I’m still angry about that game, and I’m not a fan of either of those teams.

I’ll never forget watching that game live and just knowing I was witnessing an attempt at fixing an NBA game.

Mark Sanchez’s soul.

Should have stuck to the rivers and the lakes that they used to

“Let me just get in a Trump/MAGA comment on this completely unrelated topic.”