Internet Porn will never be the same after you finally get to your wedding night in this game.

This is the nerdiest shit I have ever read.

But he's a thug....?

I would have gone with Jaworski there.

A friend of mine was an NFL cheerleader. She quit to be a dancer in a cage in a casino because the pay was better and the work was less degrading. I wish I were making this up.

They have become self aware! I told you this would happen!

If I ever have a daughter, you're damn right I'm keeping her away from Janikowski.

Throwing
Hundreds
Unless
Grandma
Sees

That was an awfully rapid descent down the slippery slope, what with an entire football team now trying to get married.

Inside a typical, non-descript industrial park, inside a typical, non-descript building, there is a basement. In this basement, there is a room that is usually locked. Outside this room there is a security guard, who is usually breathing and does not usually contain a .38 caliber size hole in his forehead. Inside the…

Pictured: Gary and Streaker

I'm just gonna say it - the dude is a poser.

This is awesome. You can raise your cholesterol and give yourself diabetus at the same time.

The sad irony is the kid who sat next to him in first grade was actually named Assbutt Microwang.

Spoken by someone who obviously wasn't around for the Usenet days. People are spoiled by the internet these days.

Ah....UseNet how I miss you and your pr0n.

You...uh. You might want to recalibrate your definition of "great".

Great joke from the Usenet days.

Moral of the story: Be white in Florida. At least they'll ask questions before shooting you to death.

"If Mr. Ferrell was not black or brown," Chestnut said, "wouldn’t [police] have asked him a few questions before showering him with bullets?"