This one isn’t mine, but my mom’s. She told it to me a few years ago, when my husband and I bought our house; it’s the story of how my parents got my childhood home.

Okay okay okay!
here’s my story - it’s a brief one!

Dude won’t remember anyways.  Had too many beers.  He liked beer.  He still likes beer.

Was the weird dud’s name “Brett” by any chance?

Yes that one was excellent. I read it put loud to mrledeuce and he just shrugged. Like..  WHAT?! Just another thing he is objectively wrong about 

SO HYPE

Me wait ALL YEAR for this moment. ALL YEAR.

‘I’m a very famous person, unfortunately.’

The people who would lose their jobs or be disgraced deserve to lose their jobs or be disgraced. Burn it all down.

Don’t those poor Starbucks employees have enough problems?

To claim that a being that spends a majority of his/her/its waking life with a fist up his/her/its ass does not have a sexual orientation seems... disingenuous.

Whenever I read about Samantha going off on a bitchy rant about how Meghan needs to show some respect and be a nicer person, I’m reminded of Many Moore’s character in Saved!

Omarosa is releasing these tapes like their singles off her new album and honestly, I would not be surprised if she releases an actual album in the coming weeks. 

Weird. The “I was trying to sexually assault her in a different fashion” defense didn’t work?

So, Kim has been holding onto this for, what, two years? Does she have a list of enemies written down somewhere, like Nixon, or does she just go to bed each night, like Arya, reciting the list of all the haters she will revenge herself on, by sending them bottles of her cat spray perfume?

“I truly hope you realize how important setting goals are for young women, teaching them we have so much more to offer than just our bodies,” Moretz wrote.”

I wonder if it is because I am old, but my first thought was Canasta.

me: christ this is horrifying

The question I really want answered is can he still enjoy his steak?

I love when sexual predators say “well I don’t know how to act around women now!”. You never did friend! That was the problem!