Really, you just need to look at his background to see where this stuff comes from:

Color announcer sounded about 5 seconds from just going over and punching Allen in the throat which, although unorthodox, I would heartily endorse.

At what point do we accept that this guy is who he is, which is Ted Cruz?

Matt Nagy is watching this over and over right now.

That was some horseshit NBA JAM eat-your-money cheating-AI shenanigans of a shot... And it was fucking AWESOME

Chris, that was awesome. Fuck.

Here’s what irritates me most about this story: less than two months ago there was a VERY public story related to college basketball that went as follows:

“So you could say this is a textbook case of impermissible benefits.” [fumbles sunglasses while trying to put them on]

I use denture tabs to clean mine every day, which is necessary because they are truly disgusting after a night of being repeatedly coated with slimey saliva.

If you’re so firmly conservative that your mind goes immediately to “ESPN’s liberal agenda is killing them!”, you are likely a strong supporter of Fox News. If you have Fox News, you have cable. And if you have cable...you’re paying ESPN like $80 a year even if you never touch the channel.

“I beg to differ.”

“What advantages does this war have over, say, an ethnic cleansing, which I could also afford?”

The really great thing is, you don’t have to be alone with a woman to take away her access to health care.

“Well you don’t have to rub it in.”

I can’t blame Nelson for wanting to stay on one side. You saw what happened to the last Viking who was fond of the switch.

“Why, yes. There’s Tofu Nog which is delicious. Also SoyNog is pretty good but I don’t like it as much. Oh, and you should try NegNog, which is an egg substitute nog made from potato and tapioca starch...”

“They’re actually hitting harder than the Jets’ defense” stone cold assassination there man. I mean, it’s true but damn man.