People who wait to think about what they want until the bartender is ready for them deserve to be pulled apart by wolves.

all of these things please.

did I ever tell y’all that my boss built me this shoddy lean-to like cubicle in our warehouse, so my walls are all 2by4s and metal siding. There is no natural light. So my best friend got me a large painting of a scenic river and added a pink squid tenacle coming from the water and UFOs in…

An easier way (I’ve found) is to integrate the purchase into an afternoon trip. We were in NYC a few weeks ago, and happened to be walking past Journelle in Soho (check their stuff) and I said “hey lets get you a treat” and she picked out what she wanted and bonus! They let us both in the fitting room to try on. She…

You're a hero.

As a former lingerie sales associate I can say some of this is good advice, some of it is not.

This is a joke, right? I just missed the punchline?

Girlfriend’s Answer: Get me a Victoria’s Secret gift card honey, thanks.

If you buy your lady some nice lingerie, I suggest buying yourself some nice shorts so when your women walks into the bedroom wearing the sexy outfit that you're not standing there in your skid marked BVDs.

Pick it out together or don’t pick it out at all would be my suggestion.

This is kind of what my entire life feels some days. Back in college, I was the conservative guy that everyone rolled their eyes at. Yet somehow, with my current group of friends, I’m the “token liberal”. My opinions have not changed. WHERE HAVE ALL THE MODERATES GONE?

“I have never felt more justified making my mom cry when I ripped into her for sending some stupid meme of a kid taking a piss.”

I did something similar during my college job as a law firm do everything guy. Since I wasn’t an associate, I could troll through facebook and stuff and give them a pretty unbiased report of what was going on between two parties(not knowing which was the client). They didn’t let associates do that because they already…

We’ll pray for you.

This just in: someone likes something i don’t. To the internet!

I’m an associate attorney at a large family law firm. I spend an inordinate amount of time (for which I’m billing) combing through facebook and instagram profiles looking for bad shit my client’s ex and my client post on the internet.

The worst part is when you are an independent.

I have family on both sides of the fence, and honestly both of them spew absolute crap.

The right will be sitting there going on about how global warming doesn’t exist. While the left will be going on about how perfect society would be if we just did these 500 things that…

celeste and jesse forever, one of my all time favorite movies!

True fact: When I was in law school, I watched this movie on the eve of each new semester to pump myself up.

godDAMN he is goodlooking though

If they made it possible to scrub anyone who posts about keeping refugees out of the US I’d pay money for that. I mean, not much money, but still.