"If I ever saw a men's magazine publishing advice for how men could secure a brainless hottie like she was the latest Omega watch"

Well, you know ... it's not like some men (NOT ALL MEN) haven't thought of women like that for some time (NOT ALL TIME), you know?

C.A. Pinkham says: "Heyyyyyyyy."

Rule #2. Fellas are always supposed to leave their girl with her friends.

I bought Darren's Dance Grooves in 2000 just to learn this dance. And "Crazy" by Britney Spears. And "Give it to you" by Jordan Knight.

Me too! Albeit with a subtler ombre.

Amateur.

Leo story— Pre-titanic days: my friends and I kept meeting him out at all these clubs (we were all underage). He invited us to his friend Mike's house up Wonderland Ave. He and Mike were in the back of my car, and Leo piped up, "Dude, you know what I want to do tonight? I want to fuck!" These words singed my…

The "bad hair day - just get another one" comment is great!

"Track-Lightin'!" To this very day, I cannot go into that section of a hardware store without laughing.

Years ago, my godmother (who was in the news business in CA) said that Connie Chung could crack open walnuts using only her bare hands.

She just did an interview on NPR where she talks about not being a natural beauty and just went with her idea of glamor. I really enjoy part where she says she doesn't have time to deal with her hair. "I never have a bad hair day. I don't like the one I put on, I get another one." Frankly, sounds like a fantastic idea.

Favorite movie ever. I could quote the entire thing. I love her more'n my luggage.

As far as I am concerned, she could be covered in scales and be hiding Maleficent-like wings, and I would still love her. Dolly is awesome.

I was at a party once and kathleen Turner and Connie were dueling shots

This is only tangentally related, but re: Takei joke— I was once with a friend who objected to something a male friend of ours said. He replied with "must be time of the month!" And she looked at him and went, "That time where I find sexism annoying? Yes. Yes, it is." I almost broke my hand trying to give her the…

Can't even sarcastically apologize without being a douche.

From one card-carrying millenial to another...

Sexual mummy, you say?

Communicate, communicate, communicate. Lay out your ground rules very specifically. Try each of you making your own list of rules on your own and then compare and negotiate. Be very clear about what you expect, and always talk to each other about your other relationships and conquests. Making things secret is how…