As a man, I have a great idea.
If women would like to be heard more in the workplace, when one woman makes a point, the other women in the room should reiterate the idea and credit the initial speaker.

Turns out neither side was doing a Nazi salute and everyone makes a big deal about nothing to further their own political agenda of making the other party look like Nazis instead of discussing issues, because we’re all a bunch of twats.

I have little sympathy for people who work at Fox News or the like, but I will fight to my last breath for their right to do so non-creeptastically.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, and you bet your sweet ass! “Pam’s garden had gone to seed, but certain corners still recalled, if you squinted, the vestiges of the lush immaculateness that had made the garden such a source of admiration in earlier days.” (The garden is a metaphor for Pam’s vagina. And, like, America.)

How much do you guys wanna pay me to write a Jonathan Franzen novel? It’s about a dissatisfied upper-middle-class white genius who doesn’t feel challenged by his wife. But it’s really about, like, America.

On the other hand, look how they handled their own narrative in the Matrix sequels.

Well, his life better be in shambles. He’s a rapist. He gets zero sympathy from me.

LOOK AT THOSE EYELASHES THOUGH

You know how if you wear a very tight, high ponytail all day, when you let it out it feels like someone just tried to scalp you? Her boobs must feel like that at the end of the night. #freebritney

Oh totally gorgeous. And I’d love to get that close to one too, except I still have a functioning self-preservation instinct. #thanksgenetics