“Nice tie. Guy couldn’t guess your weight?”

Well I mean, he knows that even these days he can’t just trasition directly to headlines like “John Kelly Actually Eats Children.” Baby steps, as it were.

He may be a walking bad joke on the surface, but this sputtering fucking imbecile right here is actually one of the worst ideas in the entire squirming mass of terrible ideas Trump has had since taking office. That’s no exaggeration, and god knows it’s no mean feat.

“Although our financial partner is withdrawing...”

I’m guessing there won’t be a single “Sucks to your ass-marr!!!” in this whole show.

The brazenly misspelled brand name is a nice touch. I guess Totin’ just looked too elitist.

Coming this summer: Disney’s BeDazzlia, Warrior Princess

Say it with me now people:

Yeah, what in the world is that mess.  Good lord.

“Pass the potatoes, peas, butter, peas, pie, the butter, pass the gravy and the stuffing, that’s nice, more butter please.” 

“Although the 90210 alum...”

Good Rib-Eye Friday, I like that.

I have never needed more than one hand

I was just thinking the same thing - I can almost Smell-O-Vision that dude.

Obligatory Wonder Wart-Hog reference for the old hippies out there:

Ariana Grande Reportedly Raked in $8 Million from Coachella

Humans gonna human.

I believe R. Kelly can fly his ass right into a state penitentiary.

I love that old Joe Cocker song.

Yeah, my S.W.A.T.-prank-themed baby shower was a total bust.