A couple of weeks ago, as I was lying in a bed down south somewhere, too sick to sleep (long story), I propped myself up in the middle of the night, turned on the TV and there was Jimmy Swaggart. Jimmy Fucking Swaggart. At first I thought I was hallucinating (that was happening occasionally); then I thought, “isn’t he…

It’s distinctly unpleasant.

Hell yes it is. And it’s great that she’s about to lose her job, but howzabout can we park her behind bars for awhile? I mean it’s against the law for an adult to buy booze for middle-schoolers, and what she did is way worse than that.

WHITE TRASH.

Oh man, I’m sorry for your loss.

Holy crap, that place in HK is the same size as my garage.

I am embarrassed by now clueless I’ve been about some of this stuff. In my meager defense, I just don’t get sick as a rule, and there’s not much to speak of in my family history on either side. But I have begun paying attention - there’s no reason to think I’ll ever be this lucky again.

Excellent! I hope your wife is doing OK now.

This right here, good lord.

Gimme a break! I been sick. :o)

Arrgh! Too slow, me.

ALSO: If you’ve been fighting flu symptoms for awhile now, and are also experiencing shortness of breath, please go get checked out! Turns out I didn’t have the flu, but rather a pulmonary embolism, which fortunately was diagnosed prior to any major damage. Be careful out there, folks.

Great, thanks. Now I’m hungry for Fig Newtons, but all I got here is a brown banana.

“Oh, this chick is going to go ­f–king nuts. She’s amazing.”

God DAMN IT.

This running-into-the-school bullshit is far and away the most vile, disgusting thing I’ve heard dribbling from the Gaping Maw-in-Chief. And yet, I wonder what random word-fart bubbles will blurp out of his face-hole tomorrow, to top this? Because you know damn well he can do it, and he will. Random-Word Fart-Bubble…

“Oh and by the way, Prime Minister, your duties will also include fielding wildly inappropriate questions about your sex life from some geezer who looks like he just stumbled out from under a pier somewhere.”

That’s a much healthier way to approach it, in terms of emotional well-being. My way was a bit desparate and melodramatic, and besides, I could never get it to work very well anyway. :o/

Please be careful out there, folks. :o)

Wow - this is very kind of you.