Dammit! I just woke up from a nap, and that damn headline made me think the pee tape itself had been leaked. I almost started doing the Snoopy dance.

I must admit, her goofy medical scams do make good band names:

Yeah, thanks a lot Gwyneth. After 2 days of stomach-cramping diarrhea, your idiotic coffee enema is exactly what I needed to hear about. Jesus.

It looks like the material you’d feed into a machine that makes Mylar party balloons for funeral homes.

I’m seeing it as the beginning of a Terry Gilliam cartoon.

.

Holy Christ...

Slacker.

Good God there are so many epic band names woven into that list. It’s like a band-name word puzzle.

1. Damn, she’s sneering so hard up there you can see into the Mariana Trench of her gumline. She should consider training with Billy Idol for awhile, to avoid serious injury.

The press should give up on “A Florida man was arrested...” and just go with “Florida Man was arrested...” It’s really kind of a Borg at this point.

Yeah, but still - you know it don’t come easy.

Oh, I’ll never learn the reason why I love your laserface.

“The most dangerous person we know is typically the person we’ve chosen to share our bed with.”

Boy, is my lobster red!!

Uh heh-heh. “RUMP.” Uh heh-heh-heh.

“(And take your fucking bullhorn with you.)“ 

Exactly. Pretty sure I’d be reduced to ashes after going through this. She is strong as hell.

Holy crap that went right by me.

Auto-star for MST3K link. (These guys are more than a little responsible for helping me stay sane lately.)