Yep, no way an ad guy from a “lesser Ivy” could pull that off

Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio don’t get to say shit about illegal immigration, not one word. You know how many illegal Cuban immigrants there are in the US? None, because it’s not possible to be an illegal Cuban immigrant in the US. The US immigration policy towards Cuba is that if you get 1 foot on US soil, you’re here…

I have always said, the grilled cheese is the best deal in the lot. I was remarking on this at a festival and someone whispered in my ear, “I have a way better deal for $1. This will change your life.”

Don't look back, you can never look back.

Next up: Wall Street Juggalos. Given the two groups’ innate savagery, you would have figured that would have come first.

This is not even surprising. Ever hear the term “trustafarian”? There’s plenty of rich, privileged, libertarian fucks who also like to smoke pot and think of themselves as chill and free-spirited.

My nephew (who was 6 at the time) left this out for the tooth fairy. He was very specific about the $100, which is very coincidental, as the Lego he wanted desperately was also $100. I think my favourite thing though is that he wanted her “signicher”. Nice try kid, I think he got $2 for that tooth.

When I was a wee one I had no siblings to blame my misdeeds on (at least when my foster sister wasn’t about,) so when I didn’t own up to said misdeeds my parents would say, “Oh, we must have a ghost living in our house, then.”

My mom hated signing endless things for school so she taught me how to forge her signature and then made sure that I always signed everything so that we didn’t look suspicious.

Kind of related story. I was working at a nursing home and this lady was a feisty 105 years old. She absolutely would not eat anything except Hershey’s bars and a glass of cold milk. Someone wrote a letter to the company and they sent a dozen roses and a case of chocolates to her.

My parents had on their fridge until the end a note from 3 year old me:

My daughter at 7 said, “Are you going to let him boss you around like that?” after her dad insisted we return the kitten we’d adopted without consulting him. We already had two cats. I had to explain to her that it was unfair of me to bring home an animal without talking it over with everyone, adopting a pet is a…

Did Reese’s ever write back? I sure hope so.

they’re putting the brakes on. obviously.

It’s very cute. Kids always write letters. One of my siblings once wrote to the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup people and asked them to send her samples of their products do she could give them her sseal of approval. She was 100 % serious.

I think that’s enough reason to give her the next week off!

Hands down, my favorite school-related thing ever.

She even switched pens to sign it. Girl is going to go places.

This seven year old girl knows the difference between there, their and they’re?!

I almost had full attendance today. Only 2 out of 9 absent.