How does that even happen? Were you onstage somehow? Because the only way that even makes sense is if you were at an open-mic night in a collegetown coffee bar where “GODDAMN YOU HALF JAPANESE GIRLS” has replaced “FREE BIRD!!!” as a desperate faux-ironic mating call.

A little attention goes a long way for some people and your story sounds like a textbook attention-seeking canard. I noticed you dodged the question, too. So which of the six became your friend before joining the army? Was it the Butter Bar?

Can you prove you’re not bullshitting everyone with a fake story?