Several years ago, before I had a smart phone, I would use text to upload tweets (I rewrote that sentence 4 times, I can't make it make more sense.) One time I tried to unfollow Paul Scheer but instead tweeted "unfollow @paulscheer" and he TOTALLY called me and my like 10 followers out. I'm still trying to recover…
chases
chases
That 5th story reminds me of one of my all-time favorite stories from tending bar. It was at this high-volume restaurant disguised as fine dining, and was right beneath a movie theater, so we got REALLY good at turning and burning tables. One day this sour-looking old guy sits at the bar during our slow part of the…
Falling back REALLY sucks.
CONTROVERSIAL OPINION: I don't mind Daylight Savings Time! Because that means it's the unofficial start of Springtime! And it's light out later in the day! There is nothing wrong with that.
Mark, I'm responding to it, so it will be published. Never let it be said that I've censored the righteous indignation you feel towards me.
WE ARE.
I was serving at our University campus bar and a friend came in and ordered a drink from me. He asks for a "George and T" I hear, "Georgian Tea" so I go to the bartender and say "Georgian Tea" he's all "What?" and I shrug. He makes a cocktail with Southern comfort and iced tea. We laugh. I bring it to my friend…
You made a man breakfast burritos while he slept, and he didn't propose?
I bartended for several years (though granted, it was in college bars), and have never heard of a Perfect Manhattan. I also just asked a friend of mine who regularly dines in very nice restaurants, and she's never heard of it either. So I think it's safe to say that maybe it's either regional or not as common as it…
Ah, Waffle House. I was driving from New York to New Orleans about a decade ago, and I stopped at a Waffle House somewhere in Tennessee. At the time, I was wearing a leather jacket and some Sketchers loafers; nothing fancy or weird, but the Sketchers were a little futuristic looking at the time. I sat at the counter…
The allergy one makes me remember yet again why my brother and sister-in-law have a fondness for Disney.
I was once in a "fancy" Chinese restaurant in Chicago for my birthday and they had just waxed the floors. EVERYONE was falling down. Servers, customers, everyone. It was bizarre and hilarious. The management was losing their minds over how many meals they were comping. I wiped out before I even got to my table. My…
There are two networks in my apartment complex having an utterly awesome network name war: when we moved in one was named "FBI Network" and the other "NSA Trusted". Every few weeks one or the other renames itself and it slowly gets more and more extreme: "FBI Surveillance Van", "NSA Spy Drone", "FBI NanoBot Support",…
Kenna needs to slow the fuck down.
During his show in Canada on Thursday night, Bill Cosby reportedly told a woman in the crowd to "be careful about…
The New Yorker had a cartoon a few months ago where the caption was "I've only been gluten-free for two weeks, but I'm already really annoying."
This is actually the first time I'm legitimately felt old. I haven't even heard of these people in passing...
"VERY allergic to gluten"
You know what's the absolute worst? When you have your period and you're sitting on the toilet and your stomach is cramping because you're having a horrible liquid poo, and you can't tell if you have to keep period-pooing because your stomach is cramping or if you just have regular period cramps. So you just keep…