Just fyi, Deadspin’s official editorial policy is that the Chargers holding an option on moving to LA is the same as them having done so; they can eat shit until they decline the option, and for that matter if they do they can eat shit for having lorded it over their fans in the meantime.

I’d send them a farewell package but I already shipped all of my dildos up to Oregon.

Think fuel tank charcoal canister purge system.........but farts

Again, men fucking shit up for women. If I were an employee there, I’d take it into my own hands and elect an unofficial reproductive coordinator that’ll hand out not just EC (which is over the counter and perfectly legit to have and share with your friends), but condoms, lube, and basic toys.

Except that almost everyone makes money when the market and the economy are doing well, like they have been for the past few years. The real question is who made money in 2008 and 2009, and what were they doing?

“In the college library instead of studying for finals“ has to be on the list somewhere.

This is the perfect shirt for A Night at the Roxbury II.

Can’t wait to see what she’s going to wear. Gingham potato sack? Marsala potato sack?

Aw, poor Josh Duggar. The judge won’t give him spank bank fuel. Oh, well- he still has slut shaming to rely on.

Agreed with everything you said

Hahah, I play sax. Not an orchestra instrument, but I can still relate. Also got to conduct as Drum Major for a year, which was the most fun.

I'm going to make the assumption that neither of you were ever professional musicians. This show is for professional musicians like what 30 Rock is to writers or The Office is to...office workers.

When I went to L.A. to visit, I was standing there waiting for the valet. He came up, waiting for the valet. He totally adjusted his junk right there in daylight, then looked at me like, “What?”

Mozart’s pilot features a young oboist going to a cool orchestra party (in her own apartment) where she plays a classical music version of spin the bottle and all of the guests are just so. fucking, psyched. that she’s playing Bach.

Don’t: Use “Trim” in this context, ever again.

I like that the Start button has a flip up switch. Like you are about to fire missiles at the asshole in front of you while you creep along in traffic at 5 mph.

Makes it a lot easier for the repo men.

Those are kinda clever, unlike most of this thing.

But GM’s first new electric vehicle in 20 years,

flat earther? ... the internet is a myth too.. so's your keyboard and computer.. go back to bed