Ah...Patriots fans will rationalize anything in the name of winning. Sad, really.

Also your urine isn’t sterile. I have no idea why that myth has so much traction, but it isn’t.

Pissing in a sink is one thing, pissing in your customer’s cup, in their kitchen is the dimension of the story that is important.

No one said there wouldn’t be casualties.

THATS WHY THEY USE DILDOS. THEY ALL WANT THE DICK OBVIOUSLY.

And what the fuck is wrong with saying “thanks but I’m not interested”? I mean, that's what I've done every time someone I was interested hit on me, sometimes (disgustingly) while I was working. I miraculously survived the experiences.

Wait, wouldn’t the speeding cameras have caught and recorded images of the person driving? In case you took it it to court? Was your boss hoping you’d just suck it up and take one for the team? That’s crassly unfair. Did your boss ever try to make it up to you? How did the company car come to be registered to you? Did…

I think the moral of the story is that hetero men think that LITERALLY EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING WANTS THEIR DICK.

I'm going to need a minute to process this information. I just have had such a high opinion of Chris Brown, who has long been a champion of women, and assumed his attitude would also extend to the LGBTQ community. So it's difficult to believe he would do something like this.

Yes, because Deadspin is where the world comes to make serious arguments about politics.

I think it’s even stranger that they think all gay women want their dick too ...

cis hetero men are afraid of gay men because they believe gay men will treat them the way they treat women. cis hetero men are afraid of gay men because they believe gay men will treat them the way they treat women. cis hetero men are afraid of gay men because they believe gay men will treat them the way they treat…

I don’t get the latter part.

1. What kind of self-respecting member of the LGBTQ community would have Chris Brown perform in the first place?! Seriously though. Wtf. Shame.

get out while you can, Austin.

or why performing for lesbians is cool but gay men are an unacceptable audience

That’s rude, you tip Guacamole you dickweeds!

1) Use the coupons for the hottest salsa you can get.

I had this pair of asshole brothers come in last night and they tipped me in coupons for free salsa because I had “such a sweet and spicy smile”. Their bill was over $100.

“Finally, one Friday, he said, “Let me borrow it this weekend! I need to move some stuff out of my garage.”