Permanent desk duty and a pension.

You win

I actually was hooking up with a girl on the side of a church. We were going to take things further inside but found out there were some people in there.

i’ve been thoroughly schooled, thanks for bearing with me everyone

haven’t voted yet, need to confirm...
“Only from behind” — is that him railing me from behind or is that pegging?

important distinction.

i guess either way i’d hate-fuck him. that’s a hot photoshopped body

definitely not blaming the mom here but i just thought it would be obvious. then again your points 2 & 3 are things i didn’t consider

yeah but, doesn’t vodka smell in a way that water doesn’t?

mom always did this with the oven. i’m guessing the microwave is more insulated, though.

not really sure how else you describe “cervix”

yeah, i agree it kinda looks like frank n’ beans (or chorizo con huevos, if you prefer), but it also looks like the USS Enterprise so why tf are they being fined?

wow fuck off

That and the hanging thread right at the arm hole opening

Larry Wilmore is criminally underrated

But what about Austin

Umpire?

There’s always someone monitoring them anyway

This was a very exciting read. Well done.

lmao

I vote for “never”. If Jesus could like just tell me every month “hey, you’re still not pregnant,” I’d both become a believer and also be a much happier person