Honestly, I was thinking of about panda poop, but you're close.

I'm hungry and I see an apple fall off a cart. I eat it. (selfish opportunism).

I'm going in!

Okay, we can move our coffee grinding class to next week, our hot-Pilates/roller derby to Thurs and get a sitter for the snake. That leaves tomorrow from 4 to 7 free. That work?

No way, buster! You're staying until five! And I need you to come in on Saturday. The fryer is a total mess. Again.

Twist-on-twist: Wilford Brimley was being controlled by his cat.

Both! Make it both!

As what?

I think "create" is a bit of a stretch.

We know! That's why we're all booing the band!

I think calling them "writers" is a bit of a stretch.

He said, "Good point! All will improve now!"

The awesome super-power of using cash to purchase female companionship! MONEY POWERS ACTIVATE!!

That statement can apply to any situation.

I'm embarrassed to tell you how much I enjoyed trying on the hats!

In this game, you will "kill rioters, renegade soldiers, and other human players."

No. I see where this is going. BIG no. Way beyond no. Trump was too much. President…Dice…? No…I can't even…gawd….I can taste the pain…

I'll always remember his "War…it's faaanntastic!" (sorry, it's not from Robocop)

Now all you need is another 4 minutes and 55 seconds of material and you are COMEDY GOLD!

Well, that certainly is inconvenient. I have a million things to do this week!