I barely do anything, and what I do do is reprehensible

I love you.

CHECKLIST:

Deadspin, I want you on this story like CNN was on that fucking plane. Don’t let up. I cannot overemphasize how much joy this story is bringing me.

Yeah, the Patriots are Bond villain levels of evil. This here is some Scooby-Doo shit.

I may criticize the New England Patriots as an evil organization from time to time, but at least there’s a level of competency you can respect in their evil-doing. This, though? This is Bush/Cheney klutziness to a new low.

Reports out of Alouettes training camp say that Michael Sam was having a hard time adjusting to his role in the 12-man CFL defensive scheme, where teams generally employ a fifth defensive back.

Exactly. Steal a ball from a little kid? Go to hell, asshole. Catch a ball fair and square and refuse to give it to some kid who wasn’t even near it? Fuck you, kid.

Fuck that mother from the baseball game. I mean, someone other than her dickless text-shaming husband. How does that absentee sack of shit not appreciate the incomparable joy that comes with catching a foul ball, no matter your age?

I was going to complain about portrait mode, but the effort for a perfect title frame makes up for it.

Damn, that Republican primary is heating up

So Gay marriage is pretty much like regular marriage? Got it!

With respect, you could have your eyes glued to home plate, but if you think you could dodge a bat flying at you at that speed, you are fucking kidding yourself.

(X) You have consistently failed to pay the Club's fart tax and remain delinquent.

This is a you problem, not a Caitlyn Jenner problem.

Yeah it’s called Entourage

Dear Social Conservatives:

LeSean McCoy is in al Qaeda.

The point of the ending of Snowpiercer isn’t that they two kids escape and restore humanity, it is that they will get to briefly live and die free of the train. The movie argues that humanity is captive of its own innate cruelty and deserves to die. Saving the species merely would mean salvaging that cruelty and…