I love Bill Walton unironically. Anything he says or does that makes Dave Pasch’s creationist ass uncomfortable is just icing on the cake.

I’d rather be honest. 

I doubt he has time while he avoids the 60,000 residents Operation Condor sent there!

Frankly I think my first question would be about the pee tape. 

Imagine being in heaven, able--apparently--to look down upon Earth and witness anything you’d like to see and using that power to tune into a speech given by the CEO of the Houston Sports Authority at a press conference announcing the cities that will host new XFL franchises.

George H.W. Bush actually avoided football his entire life. He didn’t like that there was a penalty for illegal contact.

Come on now. If George Bush is in heaven right now I have to think he’s actually doing what he liked best on Earth, ignoring people with AIDS. 

It was working in television that helped heal his brain

And yes fire Drew.

Why is Steven Seagal in that clip the regular saiyan to Guy Fieri’s super saiyan.

Pissing on a toilet seat happens, but not cleaning up your own mess is the real issue. Toilet paper is right there and you know you made the mess, nobody else has to know it even happened. 

Yeah the answer is cashews, no discussion

Almonds are fine, and perhaps the most versatile nut, but the cashew is the best nut and I will accept no arguments in opposition (except maybe the macadamia nut, but they’re so goddamn expensive and hard to crack that I only have them a couple times a year).

There was a guy I used to work with who would brush his teeth three or four times a day in the bathroom. I don’t have the same animus towards it as you do, but still, a little odd.

Follow-up question: how do you still have the will to live?

Hi, Julianne, I’d like to add a few things to the list of worst things to happen in an office bathroom. I work in an office park and share a bathroom with about 10 other companies, you need a key to get in, but frequently find customers/clients of other tenants using the bathroom. Here’s just a little taste of what I…

The worst thing people do in office bathrooms is judge me for farting at the urinal.  It’s the fucking bathroom.  I will fart in there if I want.  It’s better than unleashing hell on my cube-mates.

This comment should be enshrined in the Deadspin HOF.

in part because of his health and in part because he wants to spend more time with family.

He actually resigned several weeks ago, but he didn’t think he had to report it to the school.