No, you’re not alone its all the artificial, chemical based makeup pancaked and plastic surgery from 14, 15. She’s a year out of high but has been made to look like a 35-year-old OC divorcee.

Those cheek highlights are not great advertising for her palette.

Naomi did jail time for her bad behavior. She’s also been to rehab. She’s much different person than she was when she was a “fucking terror,” i.e., actively abusing alcohol and cocaine. It’s been decades since she threw a phone at an assistant. If she doesn’t feel a need to continually coddle a passive aggressive…

Tyra is such a goody-goody/mama’s girl. She is cut from entirely different cloth than Naomi, hence why she just won’t let the issue drop, because she has no fucking perspective.

“You’re going to feel a little prick”

After I broke up with my ex I didn’t really feel like having sex for a while, and then a few month later I got a job abroad and was getting ready to leave my country. So, realizing that the country I was moving to might be a difficult place to get laid, I set it in my mind to hook up with someone before I left. Lo and…

I went to an ex’s house party with the intention of banging him. He spent his time chasing after a 20 year old (he was in his mid 30's then) so I pout in a corner, drinking too much. Bumped into a tall, tattooed dude who leaned against the oven in the kitchen and accidentally turned on the gas. I saved everyone from…

Jalapeño vodka mixed with chocolate milk?!! I’m wondering how you were doing anything except puking! 

I know this goes against the spirit of this thread but...

If he was 39 then he probably genuinely didn’t care. Statistically, he’s probably already had at least one cohabiting relationship and has heard his fair share of unpleasant bathroom sounds from someone he was sexually attracted to.  

“Did not get the book back for years because he was an ass." It's true then, you are what you eat.

The semester I went for study abroad, I ended up living in a house with three Swedish models. Every cliche ensues-they are bitchy, they routinely backstab each other, they’re slobs, none of them are very bright. I am not very attractive and I am very academic-nerdy, and the whole semester unrolls like a terrible…

What? Why would she be pissed? I’d offer to film you guys and make you pancakes afterward if you wanted!

I’m crying, that’s awkward as shit. I’d have thought you’d have gotten away with not having to talk to him as I can’t imagine anyone wanting to explain to their fiancé that they know a person b/c of a one night stand, but obviously you must have since you know it was his fiancé? Anyway how did that conversation go?

Your friend is lame for being pissed at you for having spectacular post-breakup sex! Get it, girl!! 

I hooked up with this guy I met off Match when I was living in Austin. He’d wanted to call me to go on a second date but was leaving town for a month for a work thing. In the intervening month I moved to Colorado with no warning and told him I couldn’t see him again because ain’t nobody gonna do long distance after 1…

I grew up in a suburb of a midsized city, and while there were PHARM parties going on at my highschool, I didn’t attend them. I went to college however, in a much, much smaller town. One that acted as a hub for the even less sparsely inhabited counties surrounding it. They had FARM parties and I had no idea what I was…

This is probably sort of graphic, but whatever.

Um a guy peed the bed after he drunkenly passed out because he physically couldn’t do anything else. But I guess I should have saved that one for the Nonconsensual Golden Showers thread.

I will forever stan Octavia Spencer because not only did she come to the Red Cross shelter where I was staying after the wildfires last year, BUT when I thanked her on Twitter a couple weeks later, she sent me a lovely message asking how I was doing.