Tell him what he won, Bob.

I call him Derwood, because I’m really Endora from Bewitched and I do not appreciate that my daughter married a mortal ginger.  

It’s the entire premise of the Bible. 

Oh yeah. Univision. I almost forgot. Wonder how unloading the tire fire has been going lately.

Monorail?

When every franchise now is compared directly to Marvel, I can’t imagine too many directors wanting to be saddled with the next Dark Phoenix.

If you aren’t Sam Spade, then how did you lift it?  Get em, boys!!!!

wrong board, comrade.  

They’ll just Goku her. She’s coming, guys, just hold on a little longer. In the meantime, allow me to thoroughly demonstrate how powerful this current threat is by beating up Hulk again.  Goodness! She better hurry!

These are True Believers we’re dealing with.  

Beta Ray Bill. Thor. Me.  Seriously, who hasn’t?

See, what you have to understand is Freedom. Freedom is a fundamental part of America, and Socialism is unamerican since Freedoms aren’t free. In Socialism, you don’t have Freedom because socialists don’t believe in it. In conclusion, you hate freedom, and something something world bank. Go USA. Puddinghead out!

Im not saying that, but also, I’m not not saying it either. The scammers and the click baiters and the propaganda peddlers need to be stopped, but the first step is to stop falling for it.   

Yeah, Karamo Brown sounds like a real asshole here.  *eyeroll emoji*

When I was little, all I wanted was a portable version of my NES. Not the Game Boy, a portable NES that I could play Kid Icarus all day on without having to share with my stupid brother.

The trouble here is that, in my analogy, Gramma is dead now and the people I’m having to explain this stuff to are 40 year old executives. In the event that Gramma is still alive, she is almost certainly not working anymore. Im still sympathetic to WW2 vets, but that generation is done working. The generations I’m…

I think Freakazoid had a similar episode.  

Bad touch!!  Rome statute!! ROME STATUTE!!!!!

No.  Being tricked into giving away your password or falling for a rebate scam or believing that posting the Rome Statute on your wall protects your privacy has nothing to do with how technology works and has everything to do with straight up laziness.  One doesn’t need to understand TCP/IP or DNS to understand that…

The other day, I was almost pick pocketed. Fortunately, I caught him before he fully had his hand in my pocket, and I immediately shouted, “UCC 1-308- 1 1 308-103! ROME STATUTE!” The man shrunk away at my incantation; knowing I had robbed him of his implied right to the pictures in my wallet.