For the love of God, make new friends!

Plus, letting frozen pizza bake for 20 minutes leaves me more time to drink red wine. That's what this guy calls "a win-win."

As do I. Uncured Pepperoni Thin Crust FTW!

In America, first you get the pizza, then you get the power, then you get the women….

I never sausage a thing!

Then jump up on the bar and dance to "Tequila?"

Hey, if it didn't happen to me, it doesn't count!

"Also, you can't hear spaceships explode in space." [pushes up eyeglasses]

Great. Now every time I watch Return of the King, I'll see Tony Shalhoub's head on Shelob's body.

…One bowl of chips behind them
One queso dip to top it off
And in the bathroom bind them

That… well, that just fucking sucks.

"Do you reeeeeeeeeally like this game?"

…said Ripley to the android Bishop.

Put a… oh, never mind.

/Chamomiles cries, turns knob toward red light

"Poochie" was part of the last season of The Simpsons I watched in full.* I wasn't a big fan of the first season either, to be honest, but once they found their footing and the humor got a bit more surreal, I was hooked for the next six years.

/throws D-cell battery at Four color theorem

And Phil the Human.

#NotAll1997

"Hey, I liked Squirrel Nut Zippers! Fuck you!"