That’s me in front of my TV whenever Cheetolini appears and right before I change the channel.

Dear silly child,

I’m seeing this through the lens of someone who grew up overweight and was overweight for all but basically the last year or so of my adult life...so understand my bias when I say that I hope they nail her to the wall as hard as they possibly can.

My mom is 70 years old... if some smug bitch did this to her, I swear to god I would beat her senseless.

Remember when, back at the end of February, a lot of the media was saying Trump had become Presidential because he managed to kind of keep his act together and not say anything blatantly insane for about 45 minutes while speaking to congress?

“Dad even helps me apply the Chapstick. He says the best method is to put it on his lips first and then press them to mine to transfer it. He also uses this method to make sure I have plenty of it on my nipples as well.”

Using Texas as an example is foolish. You’re 43rd in education, 47th in pollution, 38th in poverty, 40th in % of people on food stamps...all with staunch GOP anti-union politicians in control. Texas is a dump and we should let it leave the Union. You also take a higher % of federal aid dollars than nearly every other…

Add a crucifix, a bonnet, a pick-up truck with a “Warning, in the event of Rapture, this vehicle will be driverless,” and you have Mike Pence and Mother’s first date.

Is it called “Healthy Texas Woman” because that’s exactly how many women it will help?

The original name Texas chose was “Keep Your Legs Closed, You Sluts.”

According to the American Heart Association, you are correct:

My exact first thought. It’s like when they say shit like “I’m sensing you’ve lost someone close to you”. Um, YES that is literally part of the human experience MY GOD YOU’RE SO WISE.

Heart Disease is The Leading Cause of Death among Americans (23.4% or 600,000 people a year).

What are the odds that he could have predicted that someone would die from... the leading cause of death in the US?

But back in August, Henry warned Thicke about potential problems with blood pressure.

I’m sorry but even I could’ve guessed an older man may die of illness related to high blood pressure.

If you tell enough people to watch out for high blood pressure you are eventually going to get this one right. Especially in the US. Most of the people in my family have high blood pressure. Statistically, someone is likely to have a health problem related to it. You almost can’t lose with this, either you accurately…

Yeah, he killed him.

So he’s right because he guessed that a past-middle age man might have blood pressure issues?

“She also won’t cop to it which also pisses me off. I’d have a lot more respect if she came clean about trying to be something she wasn’t and appropriating another culture for profit.”