This is the song that will play as I pass the treshold of the pearly gates and run into the open arms of Bea Arthur, Rue McClanahan and Estelle Getty. Betty White will live forever as a result of cryopreservation and then become a deity, at least in my version of heaven.

omg how beautiful are you?!i bet your wedding was awesome

I am still debating if I want to watch the Poo-lympics this year but watching gymnastics is always entertaining!

I'm not a sleep deprived new mommy but I think it's cute. The middle name is a bit much but I think names inspired by gems and such can be pretty.

If you need me I'll be in a Costco sized vodka bottle.

Omg I lol'd. The imagery. It is good.

But not before he googles it to make sure he’s doing it right.

I maintain my stance that Russel Wilson is completely disinterested with sex because of his religion. I think his last wife cheated on him because of some kind of sexual incompatibility and that Ciara is going to quickly realize that getting married does not equal guaranteed bone zone clearance.

Hmm...k.

How will this sink her?

when I toss my cookies into a crowd there are fights but probably not for the same reasons

I knew a guy who once said that he enjoyed The Big Bang Theory because it was ‘analytical and that it was made for smart people’. He was also a chain smoker who was afraid of the stove because of the ‘fumes’ and made my boyfriend move the internet router out of his room because he was afraid of cancer but then also…

I wish he'd post a picture or something...

Well the cops are handing out ‘Don’t Grope’ bracelets, what else could they possibly do???

I am v adorable and my dogs asshole hasn't even seen an American flag let alone touched one. I could be the hero America needs.

It’s obvious she does, how else can you explain that Kevin Hart movie?

Madonna,

I fucking hate Gawker commenters for the same reasons I hate Reddit. Some of the people are great but the terrible ones are. So. Terrible.

They say it like she isn’t aware she is bald or something it’s fucking hilarious.

Hehe you said Jezebel. It's like when the title of the movie gets put into the script. /jk just being a little silly cause this article made me a little giddy