You guys make me feel so old.

Your childhood seems much later than mine but it has good taste

I know this was joke Kinja, but obstacle course swimming actually does sound like a pretty decent event. As for the marathon relay, is that 4 people who run a full marathon total or 4 people running a full marathon each?

We need new events:

I feel bad for his teammates, Bryson, Dillon, and Brody. I mean, they seem so insignificant in these stories. So much so that I just made up all three of those names and you didn’t even notice.

So Lochte basically told the Cartman version of the story

If they have a sandcastle pokemon, I want a Bag O‘ Glass one as well.

HANNA AND EVAN! Why didn’t you read your stock photo agreements before signing them? Now your faces are plastered across Issa’s campaign. FOR SHAME!

I hear we picked up Ashley Feinberg in the contraction draft. Good five tool writer, a bit of a GLORY GIRL though.

I hope Deadspin can pick up the Trump slack with Gawker gone. I need snarky news!

Yeah, like drugs or something.

Let’s remember she was arrested for shoplifting and was illegally collecting unemployment benefits while working (for pay) for Ted Cruz’s senate campaign. Donald Trump only hires the best people.

Alternatively, D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E. The job market is bleak:(

setting a budget for how to spend your lack of income

Easy solution - all she needs is a very small loan from her father of about $1 million to tide her over...

I’m not going to watch that video because just the thought of it makes me sick.

You called it!

Paul Manafort could manage Viktor Yanukovych.

Countdown to how long it will take CNN to hire this dude on as a political commentator?

Bye, Paul. Bye.