Lookin’ out the window? You better believe that’s a COUP

Why don’t you guys at Deadspin just stick to SPORTS instead of peddling these LIBERAL CONSPIRACIES about THE SPLEEN, a totally made up organ that MILLENNIALS complain about injuring to hide the SIMPLE FACT that they’re too soft!

Nice, I got the same poster from that tour.  For some reason my wife won’t let me frame it and put in our bedroom.

Oh shit, those glasses give him +2 to INT and CHA. There’s no way the Ukranians can refuse now!

Apparently it’s common business practice at Sony that if you put out your most successful movie ever you must immediately cancel the agreement that allowed you to make that film and destroy the possibility of any followups.

This is so stupid - you shouldn’t be reading menus at all! Just do what I do. Go in, have a seat at the table, and order a cheeseburger. If the waitstaff politely says they don’t do cheeseburgers and make flimsy excuses like “this is an Olive Garden” or “we’re a sushi restaurant”, then begin screaming. Demand to speak…

Motherfuckers are playing checkers but they imprisoned the black pieces and tried to deport the red pieces

Putin, in Helsinki “please don’t make me swallow [again]!”

Any time I’m watching a cooking show, and someone has to mention that they are using real Parmigiano-Reggiano, I go over and give my TV a wedgie.

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Who told this idiot about the Infinity Gauntlet?

Don’t worry about your baby’s name being stolen. But also make sure not to share your baby’s Secret Name of Power with anyone. If an evil wizard discovers their Secret Name of Power then they can use that to bind your baby into a contract to do their evil bidding.

Jayxkson

Seven is a terrible baby name

Throw that shit in a grinder and it’s all the same McFish Filet as every other fish that swims into the wrong McNet.

he was cured from his STD

Dear Gronk, I am a reputable brain fixer*. I can definitely fix your brain meats. I will take out the broken brain, and put in a nice, new brain. Please call me to fix all your problems.

I was at this game last night and they showed his face once on the video board. I was freaking out about this beard but no one believed me.

The Shadow knows.

Raising Cane’s will also sell you a sandwich that’s just 3 tenders on a bun with 1 sad, wilted piece of lettuce.