It’s exactly Good Will Hunting but instead of writing math equations on the blackboard, he just writes “What if Cheetos were spicy?”.

It’s the same thing living in Texas where I can go to any number of amazing taco shops and I still wind up at Taco Bell from time to time.

Acutally, let me quote you from the FDA’s own regulations

No I’m pretty sure credit cards were invented because people were busy using their paper money to snort cocaine.

The secret is they’re not out of chicken sandwiches, they still have the chicken. Here’s a pro-tip: just bring your own buns. The drive-thru worker will take your bread, put a chicken in there, and then you got a chicken sandwich.

Dancing with the Lobsters?

Here’s what you do - the first week force him to dance in that stupid rabbit costume, then all the judges give him a score of 0. Then they tell him to fuck off and open the trap door beneath his feet.

Toyota moving in cemented the fact that I’ll never be able to afford a house, so I guess Uber moving is is only going to make our commutes worse.

It’s actually dual function - you can use it as a credit card, and it’s also a sign to others that you’re a douchebag

Fuckin’ card thinks it’s better than me.

[Apple HQ, 2018]

Just wait until the expansion team

On Grand Exuma Island, 30-50 feral hogs are attacked by you 

This is good but I’m not sure whether “rat chow” refers to dry kibble intended to feed to your pet rat, or feasting on the raw flesh of rats that he captured in his basement.

You might be the “better” Florida airport, but you’re still a Florida airport.

The ‘I’m Greeking Out’ Salad from Canada.

Don’t forget about the elusive “underwater crime” and “space crime”.

According to the driver the truck is operating at approximately 75,000 lbs and the truck is meeting or exceeding the range estimates.

When he completes his training and becomes Nas XL, he should easily eclipse the remaining Beatles.