Somewhere, right now, an ESPN intern is having to read hate mail letter #34,106 for “Barry Petchesky”, and swearing his undying hatred for whoever that is.

Real professional jerk!

Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won [XFL] by dying for his [team]. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his [team]

Out: Career-ending neck injuries

Maybe they saved it for the two sequels - I never saw them.

Like how you borrow a book from the library and then “lose” it, except with priceless works of art.

Free Willy:

My pick: Senator B. Bunny

Awesome!

Hooray!

Next week Sanders will be happy to announce that the President has decided to nominate Scruff McGruff to be his new Secretary of Education. Betsy DeVos is out after she spent all the Department’s budget on Bear Attack Prevention, and neglected literally everything else.

I really wish I could use / had Photoshop. Can anyone give us the same pic but he’s holding ET (Switch)? That’s my Christmas wish.

Spoilers - Wasn’t it so crazy when they revealed that Belichick was his father?

Brady was supposed to speak to the media on Wednesday and Thursday, but both sessions were canceled. He showed up to his scheduled appearance today—still wearing the gloves—and wouldn’t talk about his hand.

How do you feel about the name Jake Jortles?

Unfortunately, the Magic Water only prevents harm. Once harm occurs (probably because Tommy forgot to drink his Magic Water today) the only way to properly heal is to burn a stack of 1,000 $100 bills and huff the smoke. If burning the money is too difficult or you live in an area with a burn ban, you can go ahead and…

Reaction 1: Brady is actually fine and this is a trick to give the Jaguars false confidence before this weekend

Advice to other Eagles fans who might attempt this in the future:

That or someone will use it to power a crazy ice laser to freeze Gotham city while making terrible ice puns.

It would be weird if you didn’t think that.