I hope everyone is getting the fixed version. When my Pixel (1) got the update it ruined my battery life - with normal usage the battery would be totally dead in about 4-5 hours. After a few weeks they released another update that fixed it but it still shows to be Android 8.0.0.

Hey time for an update on this old chestnut:

Are you me? I like my property a lot, but when they remodel one of the units in my building they let the contractors cut stone and wood in the yard right outside my windows, and leave debris (like nails) all over when they leave.

“Donald Trump? Oh, you mean the Queen’s husband? Sorry I don’t really keep up with French Royalty nowadays”

If we kill every elephant, then there won’t be any more abuse of the elephants. So in a way, this is saving all of the elephants from abuse.

Has anyone tried this gambit:

“What do you mean you don’t publish How to Federal Judge for Dummies? You have one of these books for everything! Now I’m going to look unqualified and it’s all your fault.”

“...and also it burns”

“Okay, welcome to waiter school. I see you put on your application that you have a desire to ‘put food on the table.’ That’s an excellent start, but have you ever considered putting drinks on the table? I don’t mean to blow your mind, but not everyone gets that on day one, so we’ll take it slow”

So true

One per state works great for me in Texas, not so great for folks in Wyoming.

I mean, the turkey’s dead. What’s the story there? Why does this man have a stash of murdered birds?

“911 - Operator, please help, I think there’s a glitch in the Matrix”

Alternate Story:

“Hey Jim, the bottom of this crust says ‘Here Lies Jerry Jones’...what’s going on?”

Tomsula is Zoidberg?

“Best by... 5/23/2014... I’m sure it’s fine”

This is completely unbelievable. Are you trying to imply that Jim Tomsula would shell out extra cash for name-brand frozen pizza? I don’t believe it.

Thanks Wikipedia! I’ve lived here for 30 years and never knew what I was called.

As a Dallas...(-ite?), anything that causes Jerry pain and embarrassment brings me great joy.