$18? Did they just give you a thimble of unpopped kernels? You’re not getting real popcorn with that little money. Not at the JerryDome.

Jason’s vows last episode were killing me

It taught me lots of stuff, like not eating everything that smells good, because sometimes it’s a candle.

“Cam, would you say that you’re more like the hero of Titanic, Billy Zane, or more like his love interest, Victor Garber?”

“And no screwups this time, we need everything to go perfectly, just like in Apollo 13!”

McConaughey: Lincoln commercials? Someone filmed my perfectly normal car trips?

“We’re going to keep winning and make it all the way safely into the playoffs, just like the Donner Party”

You can take your Infinity Stamp when you pry it out of my Infinity Gauntlet.

Oh shit, you’re right. I can’t believe I missed that. Glad I’m not that judge.

I’m not totally clear on how the law works in this case, so maybe any lawyers reading can help answer my question: Why hasn’t Elliot’s lawyer invoked the Rule of No Take-backsies yet? It seems like that’s the best way to resolve this whole situation.

Page Six is reporting that, for reasons I will never understand, someone just paid $16,000 for a 12-by-9-inch black-and-white sketch of the Empire State Building by budding artist Donald Trump.

This all sounds fine but I have it on good authority that Brady’s Morbelfloops level is dangerously low. Tom, get in contact with me and I will teach you how to get it into normal range for the introductory price of $135,000 per year.

Don’t [D]rink alcohol and take vitamins. Lift weights and sleep as long as you can.

I think there are a couple zeroes missing from every one of those numbers but A+ work here. I’m fackin’ dying.

And let’s not forget, it was Manafort who convinced Trump to go with Pence instead of Christie. Why would he do that?

I feel like Trump would eat Cookie Crisp: “I’m eating cookies for breakfast! No one can tell me what to do! I’m President Big Boy! Take that Crooked Hillary!”

“You can’t impeach me! I impeach you! You’re impeached, now let me finish my Fox and Friends and my Cookie Crisp!”

I hear the Ecuadorian Embassy in London is a great Tourist Destination.

Pretty sure it was Pixie Stix powder.