My dog has decided to pull the US out of the Paris Accords. How do I curb this behavior? Is this specific to dachshunds, or a general dog behavior?

We need to keep up our goal of tricking these Republican Senators into saying their own names backwards so they’re banished to the nega-realm where their flesh will be flayed by fire demons for eternity.

“What are you doing?”

It has a streak of gray that just really works, you know?

I feel like every story about Gamestop goes the same way:

I bet someone just randomly paused it on this frame answer the phone / take the dog for a walk.

The Season 3 ending reveals that they are all actors in a TV show and then Kristen Bell comes out of your TV and asks why you have imprisoned her for 3 years for your entertainment.

Taco Bell Breakfast - Add a side of Existential Crisis for $.50 extra!

End of Season 2 twist: the Good Place was actually created to torture Michael.

Look, if you’re not going to take the expert medical opinion thumbs up of Random Baseball Fan, who do you suggest we trust?

Chargers fans

Call me old school but I blame the witches.

Mission accomplished!

Hmm... A Dog made Pope of the Cat-holic Church? It’s a trap!

Please, no one tell the Feds that I also dodged the draft by not having been alive when there was a draft.

...and now I’m puking everywhere...

This is clearly a fake - you can tell because there are less than 3 exclamation marks. Also there’s no way Trump can spell “presidential”. SAD!!!

Fun Fact: the audiobook (at least the version Audible has) is read by Wil Wheaton. I’m not hating it so far but man does Cline need an editor to bop him on the nose.

“Fake news. Fake news! I never stole JujyMonkey’s ball. In fact I have never stolen anyone’s ball. Anyone.. Everyone says ‘ Donald Trump - that man is not a ball thief. Donald Trump doesn’t have any balls at all.’ “