Joke’s on him. By 2028 those seeking to lead what remains of the United States of the Cursed Earth will compete in combat to the death to obtain supremacy. Only those who have tasted the blood of their enemies are fit to lead our ruined settlements. Only the ancient ones will remember what was called “the internet.”

“A reporter lobbed a softball to Sean Spicer”

CBS, prepare yourself for Romo to mumble, get flustered, and maybe fall out of his chair through the first three quarters. But then get ready for the best goddamned 4th quarter commentating you’ve ever seen.

They can play at the old Texas Stadium. It perfectly fits the Raiders’ theme in that it has already collapsed.

Hey Marty, how did the real 2015 compare to your alternate future?

Hey Joanna, where was your enthusiasm last week when those Republicans said there was no evidence that we were broken up? You never cover that. You’re only covering news that makes it look like we’re broken up. Why are you being so biased?

I think I can help a little. I dont know what it is, but I’m pretty sure it was the subject of an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark, if anyone can research that series for clues.

Hi there! It looks like you’re trying to buy Boardwalk. Wold you like some help?

That appears to belong to Jaguars backup QB Chad Henne, who played all of one snap in 2016—a kneeldown. Henne earned a cool $35.28 for his troubles. Don’t spend it all in one place, Chad.

Olly’s going over that ramp like

Fun fact: their ancestors were as big as cars. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glyptodon

Join me and Make TRAPPIST-1 g Great Again.

Now I want to know if anyone has ever flipped the table at a world chess championship.

Congrats. I wish I could add “commented on a chess article” to my resume.

I will devour the groundhog, then I will control its weather powers! All will bow to me or suffer the cold of 1,000 winters!

Oh no, no. Of course not. But the next chapter title is very blurry. Either it is titled, “Glorious Vladimir Putin takes his rightful place as American president for life” or “America finally embraces social and financial progressivism”. Its hard to tell right now.

Okay now children, let’s turn to the chapter on our 45th president, titled, “...Trump Was a Total Fuck Up”

Actually episode one is just the stems. The rest of the glasses are in the episode 2 DLC  for $59.99 each.

I thought about this after the election but honestly, once the nukes start flying it won’t matter where you are.