...I think you might want to see a podiatrist.

And 0 people have ever been kicked to death by a shark.

Do you have some spare horses and humans you won’t mind losing? Try horse diving!

What about horse eSports? Could you train a team of horses to play Call of Duty?

And here I thought Trump University only offered BS.

“Gotta get in on that sweet, sweet Gladiator money. What do you mean ‘it came out 16 years ago?’ Well, surely someone wants a Ben-Hur remake. No, no one? No one at all? Quick - someone figure out how to blame this on Millennials.”

How does one hold up a tweet?

“I’m not an anti-vaxxer, I just play one on TV.”

Absoutely Leto Joker.

The only problem I can see is that Lochte would absolutely be Jared Leto Joker, he doesn’t deserve to be Heath Ledger Joker.

Number 7 will shock you!

Hmmmm....yes I would watch this movie

Spoilers: Rosebud was the name of his electric hoverboard.

My last tweet will probably be the same as everyone else’s:

Report: Ryan Lochte Clarifies Earlier Statements: Says He was Still Held at Gunpoint, but it was definitely Honey-Boo-Busquets Instead of an Unknown Brazilian Assailant.

The Olympics: Compete, Have Fun, Have Some Drinks, Cause an International Incident, Flee the Host Country

Hey, they apparently take 100 days off from umbrage each year, so it’s not so bad.

Ryan Locte would like to revise his statement: There was just one robber, but he assaulted him with an Occam razor to his neck, not a gun.

Lochte said there had been one robber, while Feigen allegedly said there had been more than one.

I’m blind, but that man is definitely a serial killer.