I love Fitz. I legitimately want to adopt him more than any other character I’ve ever seen on television. It took a long time for me to forgive Jemma (who I really love) for fucking that astronaut in the hellscape, even though I completely understood I was still like “bitch.”

If a person was bored, drank a lot in the early afternoon, they could turn this Security Mom concept into a really low rent series of Christian romance novels for the repressed devotee looking for godly romance, but who has never considered looking outside the Amish/Mormon/Wagontrain genre. 

You say that like it’s undesirable!

Kathleen Madigan’s last special was so good... Off to watch it again.

Like the original he-who-shall-not-be-named, I doubt Georgie will be bound by trifles like baptismal names.

That was the best one. Nobody made that up. 100% authentic crazytown.

I had a dream my cat turned into a cocker spaniel, decorative throw pillow who preferred my husband’s company. I woke up miffed at both of them.

If you are letting kids watch FX... What the fuck is wrong with you? Have you seen the type of programming they put out?

Even my husband was sitting there, glued to the television.

Is it weird I want to become insanely rich and turn it into a feral cat colony?

Okay. I acknowledge the “awww.” factor. I am not made of stone.

Madam.

When you read direct Donald Trump quotes aloud to another person, you sound addled. I tried to read a direct quote to my husband over the phone, “Hon, stop. You sound like you’ve had stroke.”

Hear me out,

They are almost always in a pave setting and set in rose gold. That’s to trick the eye into thinking there’s fire and sparkle. Seriously industrial grade.

She is it possible she doesn’t have a desk?

But Kellyanne’s forgotten the most important lesson. “Legs together girls, remember a lady reveals nothing.”

The stone itself is durable and much more beautiful than any diamond I could afford. It’s very clear. Gorgeous color.

And costs 3 months salary. Apparently.

Jared is the home of the Chocolate Diamond... Or as I like to call it, the cut industrial grade diamond or the poop diamond.