Marc Davis: [communicates entirely in Minions reaction GIFs]

Zygi Wilf: Hey assholes, not on the fucking phone. That’s how they get you. Face 2 Face. Use the Grid system.

Stan Kroenke: hey guys it’s dean I’m over my data limit so hit me up on stans phone

Jones: How come Mara don’t bring them fine-ass actor girls ‘round no more?

Paul Allen: guys, I think we should use this space to discuss white priv-

Jimmy Haslam: *continues typing on a calculator thinking he’s sending a text*

Tom Benson: new phone who dat?

So, so many pics of old man balls are in some intern’s future.

“For the record, I had nothing to do with that.”

The Astros lost 100+ games each season from 2011-2013. They were under .500 in 2009, 2010, and 2014, as well. Their payroll is so small bc they lost for so long that they stockpiled a (gloriously) capable farm system. It’s certainly one way to win... the Cubs did something similar. Don’t kid yourself that it’s more…

My guess.

but but but, that s a function of collectively bargained indentured servitude.

I mean why does that matter? You don’t extra credit for spending less money.

Don’t worry about Morrow. It’s not like he has a long injury history.

Morrow has more appearances in this postseason than he managed in the 2012, 2013 or 2014 seasons.

What a dumbass. If he had just beaten up his girlfriend or child like a normal NFL player instead of smoking weed, he would have been reinstated a lot sooner.

Cool story, bro. This article is about national chains, though, so NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR LOCAL PLACES.

Huh, I didn’t know my girlfriend was following the TB12 method but that explains what the vibrating sphere in her nightstand is for.

What happens if my TB12 vibrating sphere is hacked

They just look like a totally different ball club outside of Minute Maid.