Still can’t believe they didn’t call that dogshit John Cusack-Edgar Allan Poe film That’s So Raven

Finally, there’s that hustle

Hey, it’s OK, it’s all pretty meaningless.

I’m a straight dude and I’ll fan myself over vintage Billy Dee; hell I might even renounce atheism because only a loving God could have been so good to us.

I imagine it ended with her fanning herself for five minutes, thinking about Billy Dee in his prime.

At least one of the Mackenzie Brothers, I can’t remember which is which.

I’m still waiting for The Great Canadian Take-Off, where the country’s biggest hosers are officially exiled.

I’ll never forget that one song of hers where it sounds like a whole passel of chipmunks is being electrocuted.

Ah, the ol’ “having one’s cake and eating it too while denying most American cake based on some weird mash-up of the Bible and Atlas Shrugged” platform

I was at a lakehouse party last weekend and was utterly surprised that a few people turned on the set specifically to watch SNL, I was like who the fuck are you people, don’t you know Jon Lovitz left the show decades ago.

(confronts Civil War re-enactment coordinator, throws uniform and rifle down in a heap) YOU SAID THIS WOULD EDUCATE THE PEOPLE, STEVE. WELL? HAS IT?!

Of course, they had previous realized that polygamy wasn’t all that integral when statehood was on the line.

I knew it was within my lifetime (I would have been 5), which doesn’t speak highly of the LDS

I wonder if they tried the same thing with their grudging acceptance of African-Americans after 150 years of loony text-inspired vitriol in the 70s/80s, like you can be Karl Malone-black, but not full Michael Cooper-black.

Please tell me it’s setting oneself on fire thus ending one’s miserable existence in a blaze of glory

Nothing tops the names of great pitchers of yore: Christy Mathewson, Three-Finger Brown, Pud Galvin, Sheepfucker McGinty, and of course Rube “Dumbshit” Waddell.

Can’t wait to see his patrolling right field at Wrigley in a mobility scooter.

“Meh. Over-rated.” — Buck Showalter

That reminds me, your monthly student loan payment of $2800 is due, don’t be late this time or Rocco and Knuckles may come a-callin’

He was like a beautiful, portly gazelle